Probably i´m in not condition of writting right now. In the heart of
this moment i´m listening to Bowie singing about a Rebel while some weird smoke comes from my neighbor´s window. Which makes me remember a very recent time when someone in the building decided to throw some Hiroshima mass-murdering ant poison.
About a month ago i was riding an art collector´s pick up with his family in the aftermath of a huge thunderstorm. In this city, rain is not a gentle phenomena. It pours down furiosly: people´s houses are flooded, trees fall down, power shuts down and so on. I was so happy i was on board this powerful vehicle i even said out loud: «Oh how lucky are we to be on this truck, no harm will come to us» I had not ended uttering this words when the all-mighty vehicle stopped on its tracks, something happened it broke down. A funny whipslash kinda noise came from the motor. What followed was a massive black out and the slowest and most crowded taxi ride of my entire life. I got home at 2 am completely knackered and entirely convinced that my collector is completely barmy. This sorta things only happen to him. And i am supposed to be the crazy artist. Jesus.
I have to tell all of you that on my way home from the engraving workshop, about an hour ago, i saw a flock of little black birds. Hundreds of them, flying in a river-like formation, making the most beautiful noise with their fluttering wings. I wish i was Tiresias right now, for he could foresee the future through bird-watching.
Something great happened about three weeks ago. I think it would be enough if i just said that my life has changed entirely for good. Most of the time i feel happy and blessed, the least of the time i am freaked out and scared, but i think that i have learned, after a long time of smacking into walls and feeling miserable, to be happy and complete-by-myself, i knew the joys of my solitude and now share myself from my sense of wholeness, not from my emotional voids. It took me more than two years to evolve into the person i am now. It was a long way but it was worth every step.
I can say with all honesty i am still a terribly insecure person. And thay maybe i have many things stalled because of this yucky factoid of my personality. I keep pulling and pushing myself because time is a ruthless creature and it simply does not know the meaning of mercy.
I want to reach old age with no regrets.
Much luv to all,
D.